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A CLOSED BOOK

You asked me once why I never write about you

I was too dismayed to answer

You took my silence for guilt

But my silence was louder than a scream

The truth is;

I only write about the things I know

I have never known you

I only write about the things I have experienced

I am yet to experience you

You asked me once if I will ever miss you

Well, I only miss the things that I have had

You have never been mine

You are so much like a closed book

What’s the beauty of a book that has never been read?

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SUICIDE; THE NEW MESSIAH?


Death, at any time and in any way is always painful; to the deceased and those left behind. What’s even more painful is when that death is not necessary at all. We all know that the socio-economic climate is not so good, resulting in so many losses and thwarted desires. And the result? So many people committing suicide with the majority being young adults. So many young adults with their lives seemingly ahead of them have decided to end it all in a moment of anguish. Life is hard, no doubt about that but, is committing suicide really the way? if we all choose to give up when the going gets tough, then I don’t think there would be any one alive at this point. Believe, it or not, human experiences are universal; everyone, no matter how glossy their life seems on the surface have one or two problems of their own.


So many people have walked this path but has any one ever wondered what their thoughts were in those last moments when death became inevitable? Were they happy to leave the world behind or did they regret their choice?.
It’s good to have dreams and expectations and make plans to attain them but we should also remember that plans change and be ready to go with the flow whenever it seems neccesary instead of holding on tightly and swimming against the tide. As we grow older and become more worldly, we learn a and unlearn things, like and unlike certain situations and so on.


I know the heart is selfish as it wants what it wants as at when it wants it but, the fact remains that unplanned situations or thwarted plans don’t necessarily spell doom. Sometimes, we just don’t know what is best for us and the universe takes over and steers us in the right direction. Meanwhile, we are too immersed in our thwarted desires to see the positive side.


All of these problems and trials are growing pains, a process we all go through to become well-rounded and responsible individuals in the society. Just like pottery goes through fire to become beautiful and strong, we also go through these trials to become a better version of ourself.


The truth is, we can’t predict our reaction to certain situations. Going by the most difficult moments in my life when I thought the dark phase will never end and I will always be sad, I discover just how wrong I was because when I think about those moments in retrospect, they never seem all that important or dark anymore. That’s life! It may sound cliche, but, time really lessens the pain. People make this extreme choice due to depression and sadness. They retreat into their shell instead of reaching out to people who can help. Please, reach out, let people know what you’re going through. Sometimes, help come from the most unlikely places. Work hard at tackling your problems and don’t forget to pray.


Also, remember that failure is not the opposite of success, it is a part of it. You have to experience failure and struggles to appreciate success all the more when it comes your way.
Think of that beautiful body of yours as the first gift you received from The Almighty and your parents, cherish it and say no to suicide. Suicide helps no one , it only makes an untenable situation even more complicated. If not for yourself, then, think about those you are leaving behind; those that depend on you, those you depend on and the void your absence will leave in their hearts. Only the luckiest families/marriages survive the death of a child intact. Finally, think of life after death. It isn’t over after all, there is another phase.


Our struggles are stepping stones to sucess. Do not let anyone romanticize suicide to you; it is not, and will never be a messiah. It is a thief that steals your life and dreams.


In all of these darkness, I hope we all find that little spark of hope that gives us the zeal and energy to move on and look forward to brighter days.

THAT THING CALLED LIFE


It has a thousand approaches
Yet, remains unapproachable
Some say life is all about giving
Some say life is all about taking
Some say life is all about enjoying
Some say life is all about enduring
It is an eternal problem, that remains unsolved


You may think you have seen and heard it all
Hence, you have all the answers
But when life comes your way,
You will discover the ultimate truth;


Life, is not a problem meant to be solved
It is meant to be endured,
It is meant to be savoured


Life, is a facade,
Life, is wild like a lion,
Life is beautiful like flowers in their first bloom
Life is uncontrollable like the sea

Life is a kaleidoscope
Life, is what you make of it.

THE QUITE VIOLENCE OF DREAMS

What a sweet torture!
They say; the future belongs to those
Who believe in the beauty of their dreams
Why didn’t anybody tell us that
Not all dreams come true
These dreams aren’t what you
See when you sleep
They are things that keep
You from sleeping
They make your heart flutter

Dreams come at a heavy cost when pursued
They always seem just out of reach
Even when you have them in your arms
You feel that they are too costly
They seem to only look good when they are just that
But reality never lives up to your dreams

I yearn to fly
But, the cold hands of fear grips my heart
I’m at crossroads
Should I abandon my humble nest and soar?
Or cut my wings and stay?
I took the easy route and
Suddenly, my dreams became a bird
And flew away from me

I was barely awake when they left
I could never imagine how empty
I’d be without them
Your presence was bitter sweet but
Your absence is downright bitter
How do I clear the ashes of the fire you stoked within me?
I wandered aimlessly, I’m lost without you
Why don’t you become my ally
Open your arms wide and welcome me
Because, when I’m in your arms,
My joy runs deep like the ocean
Let me be like a child in her mother’s arms
Without worries of what tomorrow holds

I want it all; the sleepless nights, the flutters,
The anxieties and everything in between
So, come back to me
Let’s go up the hill and thread
The path of the brightest stars
If ever I find myself at crossroads again
I will keep going.
Never let your fears paralyze you or let over analysis lead you into making a wrong choice. Chase you dreams.


TO THE FIERCE AND ICONIC ONES

A SELF PORTRAIT


They say the best way to know yourself is to see yourself through another’s eyes
But I have never been able to get that close to anyone.
So, it up to me to draw a portrait of myself
Even though I neither own a stroke nor a pencil

I looked in the mirror to try and draw myself
But, all I could see were shadows
An unimpressive collage of broken dreams,
Naive aspirations and gradual disillusioning,
The desperate choices and angst of one
Who is yet to find the reason for her existence,
The eyes that stare but see nothing,
Ears that hear without understanding,
Limbs that reach out but never manage to grasp,
And a heart filled with jumbled thoughts which
Can never be articulated or comprehended.

So many suns have risen and set,
Yet, this portrait remains unfinished
Who am I?
Will this portrait ever be completed ?

The wind is blowing the trees
Even the dove has lost its peace
As its perch has become precarious
And its nest? Gone with the wind!
But the water remains placid and peaceful
You may say the star is nothing,
But to me, the star shines
Don’t imprison your tears, let them be free
For, they won’t go out without your permission
Life is short and fleeting
And fleeting……and fleeting once again
Once the sun rises, it must go down.

I want to know……
Will this portrait ever be completed?

To complete this portrait,
You only need to cross one mountain……

Your fear.

You must fight, but only with yourself
To recover your identity and
Overcome this preposterous fate.

MY LIFE AS AN INTROVERT


It’s like looking in from outside
Being alone even within a crowd
Never being able to escape my own little corner of the world
Never truly belonging or have anyone belong to me
It’s just like there is a remote place within me which no one can ever touch


I love being this way most of the time, but sometimes
I wonder if I’m doing myself a disservice. I have been in a rut lately,
So, I wonder more often.
But then again, will anything good come out of me putting myself out there?
People are so insidious; they say one thing to your face and plan another behind you
I really don’t want to wonder about the intricacies of other people’s mind;
What makes their world tick and my place in it


I have found that this is the only way I know to live
For, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t break through that mental barrier
So don’t judge me, you have no right to determine my value
My life has just begun.

I do admit that it’s good to socialize, especially if you have to make a living and you sometimes need the (re)assurance of other human beings
But, there is bliss in solitude.


To the question of your life…

“I’m disappointed in you.”

“You’re so dumb” or “You have a deficient I.Q.”

Upon hearing such words directed at them, an average person will be filled with deep emotions and hot retorts/denials which they might either let out or choose to hold in

In this kind of situation, I think the first thing to do is to ask yourself if the person is right or not.

If they are right, then it’s up to you to take steps to improve yourself. The best revenge they say, is success not the hot words or tears that are bubbling within and begging to be let out. Success can be achieved through learning as the purpose of learning is for us to be at our best.

If they are wrong, then it’s either the person is feeling miserable and trying to make you feel as miserable as they do or there is a conflict in ideology

Sometimes, people tend to consciously or unconsciously take out their frustrations on others they consider “beneath” them and this person who might look up to them ends up swallowing whatever they say hook, line and sinker. The best thing to do here is to not give them the satisfaction of getting you down. They’re like vampires, they want to feed off your reaction.

Also, some people find it difficult to accept other ways of doing things or thinking that is not the same as theirs. They completely refuse to compromise or look at things from a different perspective. As long as you have checked within and you don’t find yourself lacking, you’re good to go.

These expressions and their other variations are very strong. So, as a speaker, you should consider very carefully if you really have to say them. That is, don’t use these words on others unless you really mean them or the situation warrants. In fact, ask yourself if you really mean them or you’re saying it because you belong to a different school of thought or due to momentary annoyance as their effects last long.

Why am I putting this out there?

Because I have been at the receiving end of such demeaning retorts and still remember vividly how I felt until I decided not to let such words affect my psyche anymore. Before this resolution however, I heard such words so many times that I began to loose confidence. I wondered if this person who’s so close to me and claims to know me even better than I know myself was right afterall.

From there, I went on a downward spiral and I was too embarrassed to speak about it to anyone. Eventually, I took the initiative to speak to a few people who gave me the confidence to overcome the effects of this brainwashing and gradually regain my identity/ self esteem.

Such demeaning words could be coming from close friends, relatives, siblings, colleagues and even your parents. Some people are just toxic, if you can, get away from them, if not, I hope you get to a place where their words don’t hit you where it hurts.

After all, “to the question of your life, you’re the only answer.” Don’t let anybody tell you what is not or stifle your thoughts and opinions by claiming they know you better than you know yourself.

A trip down memory lane

A wander lonely in my thoughts like a lost child

Staring intently at the horizon and waiting impatiently for the future to arrive

Suddenly, the future is here but, it’s not as rosy as it seemed

Where has time gone? I’d like a reversal

Gone are the rose-tinted glasses replaced with disillusionment

The once supple and flawless skin is beginning to tell it’s own story

The tiny limbs, blank minds having no choice but to grow as their burdens increase

But the world remains the same as it was yesterday

I’m the only one who has changed

Time, really is a perverse thing

Be it your lowest or your peak, it can be trusted to bring about a reversal